blame it on la

New York is an amazing city with a bajillion things to do. There aren't many things here that you can't do. Unless you want to park your car for free. Other than that, anyone who lives here should count themselves as one of the lucky ones, I'm just sayin'. Having said that, an unfortunate byproduct of this city's unmitigated awesomeness is the fact that everyone wants to live here. Especially in or as close to the city as possible. Sadly this fact has led to outrageous rents and seemingly rocket fueled gentrification as developers and young professionals push further up an out in an effort to score themselves a piece of the island. A 2 bedroom apartment in Harlem can go for as much as $3,000 a month when 10 years ago it was hard to get a cab to take that far north. The same goes for Brooklyn. Sure Brooklyn is no Manhattan, but hey, it's got cache and for the most part it too rocks pretty hard. I'm pretty sure that no one will ever say that about Queens...just putting it out there, but still.

People will go through unbelievable lengths to secure an apartment in the city. In fact I know a person who couch surfed for a year while waiting for a dead man's apartment to be cleared out and get out of probate. The competition for a great place to live here is fierce and while I'm not currently looking for a place to live it's always nice to keep an eye open. I mean you never know if something is going to pop up. Stranger things have happened, or so I'm told.

One day I was minding my business, watching daytime TV like I do (it's my favorite) when what I can only describe as an interesting commercial for a moderately priced apartment complex called "Flatbush Gardens" came on. At first I ignored it, but it turns out this thing is ubiquitous and runs 17,000 times a day, What really piqued my interest while listening to this commercial in the background were the random and seemingly fantastical claims that were being made. Let's just say that they had some really interesting selling points. In the ad an apartment manager boasts that each apartment will be getting a $5,000 in appliance upgrades, but in the commercial the upgraded appliances look like they're from the 70's. At one point a lady; probably a tenant at gunpoint says something like "These apartments are gorgeous after we finish renovating them!" Really? What about before the renovation? It gets better! Each apartment comes with an "intercom system" to buzz in potential guests! To that I say "way to step it up Flatbush!" You'd think that with the fancy gas stove and the door buzzer they would be out of things to offer, but hold on to your hats, because, according to this commercial, Flatbush Gardens is close to everything...including...wait for it...the city!! Really? Including the city? Sign me up! If there is one thing I'm looking to be close to it's the city I live in, so that's going to work out nicely. Luckily "everything" was later revealed to be Chinese food, and McDonald's so that's all cleared up. Okay, one thing I did notice was that with this hype and these wonderful "amenities", they rarely show the actual buildings. I'd say that this is because when you do see them, the first thing that came to my mind was a project from a 70's blaxploitation film. The buildings were a little scary, but hey it's New York. The real question is, what would you pay to live in this urban wonderland a mere 45 minutes outside of the city? How about $1,140.80 for a 1 bedroom. Well, now it's just obvious that something is really wrong with this place. I mean that's the equivalent of a dollar in apartment money.

I decided I needed to do some research to see what I could find out about this little slice of heaven. Here's what I found. First of all I feel bad for going through this without providing and example of what I'm talking about, so here is the commercial. Sadly it's not the version that comes on a zillion times a day, but it'll do. I have to say every time i hear the little guy talk about how safe and wonderful the place is, it just makes me giggle.



Whew! Well after watching that enlightening commercial starring Opie and his wife, is there any reason why I wouldn't want to pack up my gear and move out there. I figured that in addition to research, I'd find what other people had to say about this overlooked urban wonderland. Since I'm in this for the greater good much like Oprah, I figured I'd share some of my most useful findings!

1. Anonymous says - This place is the worst. I had a 1 year lease and could not wait for it to end. It was like a jail sentence. From my initial move in day, I had issues. A person was always sleeping outside in my hallway. I had to call security, because they do not patrol the buildings. The courtyards are a mess, because the people who are they do not care about the property.

Hmm well, people sleeping outside your door..that's not so bad is it? Grow a pair douchebag!

2. Another Anonymous says - Flatbush garden only had name change about 3 yrs ago copying Maple Gardens logo. Before that it was called and still known as Vanderveer Estates. And I have lived there 35 year. They have gangs there was a woman was raped and killed on my floor they just recently finished renovating the poor woman's apartment. They have a rodent and roach problem and have been fined and sued because of neglect.
And they are charging for AC nows $339 or $369 for one , $669 for 2 units and and over $900 for 3 units .

Whatever dude, there is crime everywhere...cry me a river.

3. MS_GREEN says- I WOULD FEEL SAFE LIVING IN THE WILDERNESS WITH A PACK OF WOLVES AFTER ME EVERYDAY. THROUGHOUT MY 8 YEARS LIVING IN FLATBUSH GARDENS, I MUST SAY WERE THE ABSOLUTE WORST YEARS OF MY LIFE. THERE WERE SO MANY DEAD BODIES FOUND IN THE GARAGES AND ON ROOF TOPS OF THE BUILDINGS. IN ORDER TO HAVE ANY REPAIRS DONE, YOU'D HAVE TO GO THROUGH HELL IN ORDER TO GET ANYTHING REPAIRED. YOU MAY REMEMBER FLATBUSH GARDENS AS THE OLD "VANDERVEER ESTATES". I BELIEVE CHANGING THE NAME DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING BECAUSE THE NEIGHBORHOOD IS STILL THE SAME.

Okay Ms. Green! Holy capital letters, I think we can all read in sentence case just fine. Dead bodies on the roof and in the garage? It could totally be worse! Would you rather the bodies be in your apartment?

4. Fpecht has this to say - I cannot believe that there would exist even one person that would attest that these apartments are safe or clean....I live here and it is a nightmare....I've never been to prison or hell, but I'm imagining this is close.
The video is a farce. The hallways are full of litter and human pee and graffiti. Teenagers and other tenants use the hallways as extensions of their own apartments, getting high and having parties at all hours of the night.
If you don't mind excessive noise (people outside in the middle of the night partying), gunfire, hovering helicopters and sirens, this is the place for you. If you desire cockroaches, bedbugs,and mice as roommates, sign up, you have found your dream

Personally I have trouble sleeping when it's too quite, so hovering helicopters and sirens might be just what I need! So yes! Maybe I have found my dream!

5. Oh here's one - Yuppies go home! Thank you for coming and not really taking part in the neighborhood, judging and condemning our living methods (for those shocked by weed, naked chests, loitering in the hallway,... "we're hangin' out man, that's it!"), contributing to raising rents as well as people evictions and tree removals for beautification. People here are living a certain way so plan on integrating it or don't come here. I'm happy to be part of this neighborhood, some have been living here for decades and now feel happy that the place is safe but fear to have to go soon.
So to those comming to New York to live like in a TV show but have to end up in a place that you don't really like but you take it because you can't afford more: ---- YOU!! Go home! This is not Chelsea, this is East Flatbush. We don't want no coffee shop for y'all to hang out in there in the future.

Yeah losers! What's wrong with naked chests, weed and loitering in the hallway! Prissy bitches! what's wrong with "hanging out" man?!

So there you have it. If i wasn't planning on moving out there before, I'm definitely on my way now! It seems like a deal, and besides...it's close to everything!