blame it on la

So, before I came out to this western wasteland also known as LA, I'd heard about this mythical beast that some refer to as "California Casual." Let me explain. First, as I spend my days beating dead horses, I come from the east coast. When you go out in New York City, there is almost always a dress code that's just the way that it is. Turns out it's not like that here. Who knew that as long as you look relatively clean you can get into almost anyplace you want. Ok, i'm down with that. First of all, as a single man, I may or may not do laundry as often as I should, but other than that, I like to think of myself as a chill dude, I like to be comfortable when I go out, so the CC look is right up my little black alley. I was cool until 2 days ago that is. Let me set the stage. I was bored, and alone, and fiending for a little social contact. Is that so wrong? Does that make me a bad person? I only ask because I did a little research and my sources tell me that wanting to get drunk outdoors in the daytime fits perfectly into the "ok you're pretty cool" column.

On this very ordinary and sunny LA afternoon, I sauntered into my local watering hole to do what I do best. That would be "get my drink on". I was stoked to order my beer and have the bartender ask me for $2.75, score one for the black man! Who knew it was happy hour!? Feeling, sexy, thrifty and oh so very, very thirsty, I decided to take my tasty beverage outside to enjoy the California sun and some of the best darned smog this side of Milan. I took a seat next to an amorous couple who clearly needed a room and proceeded to drink my beer as I checked out the sights and sounds of Santa Monica Boulevard. I hadn't sat down for more than five minutes when a gentleman clad in a green windbreaker walked past me, made his way up the stairs of the balcony and plopped himself down right next to me. Since I'm only interested in talking to the ladies while I'm on loser patrol or "socially lubricated me time" as I like to call it, I didn't give my bar mate a second look. Until he started talking to himself. Hey man, that's cool. Self expression is always cool. Not gonna lie, I wasn't concerned until my man started drinking the drinks that people who'd been there before him had left behind. It was a full on "Hey man, do you mind if I lick out your glass?" situation. I continued to watch as my bar buddy began beg the other patrons to smoke the butt of their last clove cigarette. I kept my head down and then witnessed my bro start shooting snot rockets over the balcony into the street. Since I'm somewhat of a modern day super hero, I used my superior peripheral vision to take another look at "Mucus Man" and as I checked his dirty hands and three pairs of pants he was wearing, it slowly occurred to me that the reasonably dressed man next to me was not a California Casual hipster at all, but in fact a homeless man.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm as liberal as the next guy and I believe that everyone is entitled to a standard of living. All I'm saying is that at that moment, it felt to me that maybe California might want to reign in and revise their standards of dress to get into certain venues. I'm no elitist mind you, my standards are simple. It seems to me that if a person rolls up to a bar with a shopping cart, you might want to take a second look at that patron...hey that's just me. If said "customer" is wearing seven layers of clothing with mix matched shoes in July...once again...it might be time ot evaluate. If you notice your patron, walking down the bar and slurping down the foam from leftover beers, he may not be as hip as you think people. That's just my reality. My point is, at the end of the day all I could think was "WTF? Freakin' California Casual...LA you've done it again!"

Fortunately I've never been homeless and I'd hate to live a life where people cringe at the sight of me and overtly switch seats when I'm around, but hey man, I'm not paying $2.75 to hear some one's thoughts on being the new Messiah! California casual indeed. What else does this city have to offer? What's next? No seriously, I'm really curious.