blame it on la

There will never be a time that I like this city, that's just a given. However, every now and then something cool does happens here. I would say this is top secret, but it's common knowledge to anyone who knows, me. Yes, I have a soft spot for hair metal. I can't help it, there's just something about listening to songs that are only about partying and disillusioned young girls turning into prostitutes moments after they stepped off the bus, that just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Hey people, I still sport my Poison shirts with pride and without a hint of irony. Thank you very much!

It is with this state of mind that I recount a story as well as a mystery that I discovered this past weekend. It was last Saturday and I decided that instead of feeling sorry for myself at home, I may as well take my victim act on the road. It was about 90 degrees and as I like to do on such days, I thought to myself "Let me do what I always do when it's nice out. Get drunk outside." Clearly outdoor drinking is one of my favorite past times, but there was a dilemma, where to go? I jumped in my car and decided to waste some gas while cruising for the appropriate spot to accomplish my mission. Here comes the good part. While driving down the Sunset Strip, I past the world famous Whiskey-A-Go-Go and almost caused a 228 car pile up when I saw the marquee. The sign read "CRUEFEST." There was no information, so I sped home and looked it up (like I always do) and found out it was an all day concert featuring bands who have been "influenced" by hair metal Gods, Motley Crue! That's pretty much all I needed.

I threw on my best conservative "I'm so down with this scene, no really, I am" outfit that may have involved some jeans and a motorcycle t-shirt and made my way back to the hair metal mecca in the heart of Hollywood. I could't believe my luck when I got there as the band who was on "Rock-N-Roll Junkies" were playing nothing but Crue covers. I later found out that the lead singer was actually the son of Motley Crue lead singer Vince Neil, which I thought was kind of weird. Does anyone else think it's strange for the son of a still touring and recording rock star to be in a band that only plays covers of his father's music? That's neither here nor there, because as creepy as it was, they were pretty darned good. In fact, all the bands i saw that night were good, some of them even had their own songs don'tcha know.

So what's the mystery you ask? Well, One thing I know, is that the Sunset Strip is basically a time capsule and on Saturday night, when you enter the zone, you're pretty much crossing the line back into 1985. I'm not sure where these people come from with their teased hair, snakeskin spandex, cowboy boots, and fringe jackets, but they're there, and there are a lot of them. Hey, that's cool too. What blew me away was the amount of What I can only describe as Hair Metal Grandmas that I saw. Nope, not joking, these ladies in their late 40's and 50's decked out like they were 17. I swear I stood behind a woman in a thigh length skirt and halter top who was straight up BALDING! Oh, there's more, I've always known about mom jeans, but mom leather pants...with spiked belts?!?! C'mon grams, I asked you not to go out like that! I don't hate on any of these people, but holy cow they're funny. Again, I really just want to know where they come from. Sure i'm making fun of them, but the truth is, they actually fit in much better than I did, which is also scary. I suppose in the end, I have to give props to those who live their lives with no apologies, I guess I could even take a lesson or two from them. Unfortunately, i don't know where to find them during the week. Sigh.